Dealing with Rejection

I have been rejected twice recently by men during the dating game and to be honest I didn't feel too great about that.

The first rejection happened in Jan and I am just about over it now. Four months isn't too bad when I think about it. I have also accepted this for what it was: rejection. I was bitter about and still am a little, but I can I feel that it will pass. This is a vast improvement from the way I dealt with rejection whilst still drinking. I could not accept it, obsessed and fantasised about being with the rejector for two years whilst he simultaneously made it plain he was not interested in having a relationship.

What part of him not replying to any of my texts/calls/emails did I not understand??!! It's so humiliating to think of the denial I was in. It is also very freeing to acknowledge it and accept it.

I was a sick person getting well not a bad person getting good.

I also, very unusually, got an explanation from my January rejector. He explained that there was no point being bitter, and he correctly identified the fact that I liked him a bit more than he was able to give back (I could not RESIST interjecting at that point to say I didn't really find him that attractive anyway-hee hee-I just had to :-)) He thought I was a lovely person and a good looking girl. I asked why he asked me on a date if he knew he did not find me attractive and he said as above. He just thought it was not worth pursuing but wanted to stay friends as he genuinely thought I was a nice person. He also (and we know this already AA) cared about what I thought of him. He didn't want me to think he was a b*stard basically.

I tried to explain to him that he was chronically self centered and was only apologising/trying to smooth the waters because he wanted an easy life but he wasn't having that, it was best for both of us that I was not bitter. The denial that some people are in hey. ssheesh. :-)

Am I upset? Not really anymore, I know (from my experience of going through steps four and five) that it is futile to continue to resent him for something the poor man can not help: who he has feelings for/who he fancies etc. He was honest with me. He was drunk mind you when he said all this.

Did I give him hard time when he tried to make things up to me tonight? Yes, of course I bloody did. It's progress not perfection. I should have of course said 'no hard feelings; water under the bridge' but I didn't. Perfect is boring all the time, although I do aspire to it some of the time. I was indulging a little my immature streak.

Am I bored with obsessing about it? Yes.

Am I annoyed that no one is reading this god dam blog? YES.

Oh and my March rejector, well he just simply did not reply to my text saying I would love to see him again. Am I upset? A little. It is mostly pride though, I recognise that my step tens and step four (blimey I am finally able to recognise how much AA has helped me!!Astonishing!). Have I obsessed about it as much as I used to when I was drinking? No, I haven't. Has it made me suicidal/made me feel my life is not worth living/crushed me emotionally? No, not this time. It did when I was drinking. Is this progress? Do you know what? I finally think it is!!!

Next time I see January rejector I will, I suppose, call it quits. As for March rejector, I might try a little prayer :-)