There is one coming up in my home city and I am totally stressed about it. It's the 30th birthday of my three friends I went to school/sixth form college with. One of then I cut contact with because the friendship wasn't really working anymore, she made some mistakes and I was very envious of her life as she is one of those people who seems to glide through it. I was also jealous of all the men she attracted, as she is essentially very comfortable in her own skin.
They will all be there and the whole thing presses all my buttons; they are having their party together (their birthdays fall in October, mine in February) so I feel excluded and that they don't want me there.
The friend I cut contact with (who I recently emailed after over a year of no contact to say hi) is friends with a couple who knows an ex-love of mine, who I was obsessed with for many years.
I also feel ashamed of myself for breaking down and these friends were there when it happened. I don't feel as close to them anymore and I feel as though it is "them and us". I behaved in a very mad way around the guy I was obsessed with and I know he and his friends laughed at me at the time, saying I was mad.
If I don't go I will feel like a loser and if I do go I know I will find it difficult seeing.
I have the option of going away for the weekend with a new group I've joined that weekend and have told them I have already booked my ticket (which is not true) so may not be able to go to the party anyway.
Plus I don't think they really want me there anyway, I have been obsessive and moaned a lot for the past two years.
I have known these people for 12 years yet this is really playing on my mind. I know the solution (pray and step 10) I am just wondering if anyone else ever feels like this.
I suppose it is pride really, I feel they all look down on me and don't want me there. Plus I know I will find seeing friends of that guy, and he might even be there.
On the other hand maybe it will be good for me to face them all and just try and increase the joy of the occasion.
Don't know what to do. If I don't go I will feel like I have missed out....on opportunity to show everyone I am better than I was??
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Blog Archive
About Me
- Determined1
- I stopped drinking on 7 May 2005 at the age of 28 by going to AA meetings, getting a sponsor and doing the steps and trying to do some daily suggestions. My first meeting was in London, Clapham on a Sunday. I have not had a drink or drug, prescribed or illicit, since.
4 comments:
I find most social rituals pretty dull and tiresome. Especially the people who still feel the need to adhere to them. No originality. Boring.
But apart from that, I dont think you even LIKE these people. These people are not 'your gang', so to speak. Instead of agonizing as to why you feel you don't fit in, why not just find out who 'your people' are.
Rhonda Britten calls this thing 'My people'. This 'old' crowd, are simply NOT 'Your people'. Its no big deal really.
and you thought you had problems...
http://adayinthelifeofalcoholanddrugrecovery.blogspot.com/
Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.P58
On through the years this conduct continues, accompanied by his continual promises to be careful or to keep off the streets altogether. Finally, he can no longer work, his wife gets a divorce and he is held up to ridicule. He tries every known means to get the jaywalking idea out of his head. He shuts himself up in an asylum, hoping to mend his ways. But the day he comes out he races in front of a fire engine, which breaks his back. Such a man would be crazy, wouldn´t he?
You may think our illustration is too ridiculous. But is it? We, who have been through the wringer, have to admit if we substituted alcoholism for jay-walking, the illustration would fit exactly P38
Insanity is repeating the same thing over and over an expecting a different result.
Go or stay away, whichever seems best. But be sure you are on solid spiritual ground before you start and that your motive in going is thoroughly good. do not think of what you will get out of the occasion. Think of what you can bring to it. BUT IF YOU ARE SHAKY, you had better work with another alcoholic instead! p102
If you think you have tried everything, to change you around these people, places and things...
The only relief we have to suggest is entire abstinence. xxviii THE DOCTOR'S OPINION
try new group, new friends, try the weekend away, change the things you can, not the things you cant.
Trust God
http://www.odatonline.com/bloglist/
An online list of blogs you can add yours to..
Post a Comment