Just come back from lunch at my friend's house. She's a friend I studied with for a year and I like her. She was there with her fiance and another married couple.
I really do come from a different world to these people in a 'worldly' sense. One couple had got married when they were 25 and were on their third flat (bought) the other guy invests in property overseas for a living. This is all a world away from the house share that I am in at the moment.
I think some people make it from nothing but I should imagine these guys must have had some parental help with finance.
I do envy that. My parents did not make any money (they were both too ill). I got a reasonably good education and have ended up in a good profession, but I feel like a bit of an anomaly as most people I come across seem to have family stability, family money.
My friend is getting married in June and the other female lunch guest, her sister is getting married this year too. They were talking about how their mums were arranging this that and the other, the clothes, the food, the family guest list.
Again, that is just another world to me. My mum, when she was alive, just was not able to do those things and I have always been secretly worried about who I would invite when I do get married. I have a big extended family but know none of them due to family rifts that were in place long before I was born.
Oh and I couldn't eat the pudding because it had Cointreau in it, so yet again I am different to these people. I couldn't have the alternative as it had brandy butter on it!!!!!!!!
One of the couples' live in north London and I couldn't help noticing in the conversation that they live round their corner from both their parents. That brought out my ever present concern about not living closer to my father and brings up the question I now ask myself "what am I doing here in London?"
I have lived in quite a few different places in London and don't really know the current area where I live at all well and have never really taken to it. I am looking at flats in a another new area so it is sort of like I don't feel I have an identity with any area.
The long and the short of it is that I want to fell settled. I have asked my higher power for guidance but, as usual, no reply.
So, I don't fit in anywhere really apart from AA, which even then is touch and go.
I don't fit into the world of professional homeowners who are all couples that I in fact belong to.
I don't even fit into the new walking group that I belong to as the socialising is based on drinking. It doesn't stop me socialising or getting to know people but there is always that bond between drinkers that you just can not be part of if you don't drink.
I get dismayed at the extent to which our county is an alchocentric society. I get so fed up of being asked why I don't drink. I feel like telling people to fuck off when they ask it but that is part of the society we live in.
I don't want to drink but It does set me apart from certain people. That's been my experience anyway. I don't want to JUST again around with step 11 people or AA people, so I'd be interested to know how other people deal with this aspect of being sober. Socialising/being out there in the world where, let's face it, a lot of people are not tolerant.
Or do I need to only pursue hobbies which are in line with my recovery, something that does not involve any drinking, which sadly pretty much rules out most things. Even step 11 pursuits people go to the pub afterwards.......
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3 comments:
Lots of REALLY good questions here, I identify alot! As I have asked many myself.
yes the worlds conversation does appear to revolve around booze, the more involved with it I get!
keep on praying for the answers, patience and tolerence, and keep on trying things, find somethings and keep doing them, and be prepared to let go when they stop working... as they often do after a period of time! Some things stay and some things go. Keeping my ears open, and staying open and willing to try stuff.
Well thats what I do..
For instance, I am working with Gillian at the moment on some recipes. May need some guests at some point to try them out! SHE doesnt talk about alcohol excessively.
and I have faith. I TRY and stop looking for that person, and get on with doing things, which makes me more interesting, I have something to talk about and in a way its prepping me... just incase LOL.
Oh and, 400 or 600 count is the weave of the cotton on the sheets the higher the count or weave, the more threads or weave, and the silkier the feel.
I always LOVE the feel of these kind of sheets.. and I'm at a point now that I feel worthy of having them at home! why wait til once a year in hotels, when I can have them at home everyday :) They feel sexy too!
Why dont you ask God why he doesnt appear to be giving you an answer, then Listen.
The book is - You are what you eat Cookbook.
I find my life has more in common with therapists, healers and meditation lay people with various lifestyles. but i do not find social contact with non self aware people very satisfying. it has nothing to do with if they are married or not, or how many homes they have. rather if they have a capacity for honesty, patient endurance or self awareness. (very much like the writing called 'the invitation by oriah mountain dreamer)
http://www.oriahmountaindreamer.com/
people hurtling through life on auto pilot, married or not are not satisfying to be around. For me.
should I find myself in such company i view it as an opportunity for service, or to test the limits of my goodwill toward my fellow man. nothing more.
i think ultimately your channels are blocked because you still foster resentment toward your position, and this resentment 'blocks off the sunlight of the spirit'. ie keeps you blind.
richness is not having what you want but wanting what you have.
i keep saying this to you, but in essence you are still in the grip of resentment, which is a step 10 issue. and it will not go away.
i also keep saying that freedom from that can be speeded up by the insights from step 11, which are much more quickly absorbed in a retreat context than dipping in to it once a week for an hour.
i have no desire to fit in with societies norms. whatever they are. i can thing of nothing worse as it happens. so yes spiritual growth involves standing apart from unconscious and unquestioned norms, and that can be used (like any other situation) as an opportunity to feel sorry for oneself. but whether you do or not depend on how committed you are to the maintenance steps 10 11 and 12. Not the situation itself.
my experience is that when i put aa first, everything else follows. otherwise aa says you put the cart before the horse.
i would rather be conscious and unconventional than unconscious and very mainstream in my approach.
some people have wordily position as well as a very spiritual view. they do exist! I would not say they are very common though. But they do not contradict each other. Its all down to the individual basically.
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=179762863&Mytoken=74B4E485-5550-48FF-87E5D55C5B399F2829695612
there's an example if that helps. I think he looks very ! cute! I would not describe these types as conventional though. by any stretch!
but i would not want the 'world' if it meant i had to sacrifice my soul. if you know what i mean.
Brainwash yourself with those echart tolle cds on repeat play on your ipod and some of this might sink in!
And start looking for the similarities not the differences.
We are al human underneath our differing routines!
So I prescribe:
1. looking for the similarities not the differences.
2. echart tolle cds on repeat play on your ipod (which is step 11)
3. proper retreats
4. step 10. Resentment. Get on top of that self pity!!
5. doing what makes YOU!!! feel COMFORTABLE. Not what makes OTHER people comfortable.
6. Helping others, especially newcomers as a way of accelerating ones progress. 'It is by giving that we receive.' as they say.
The answer for happiness is never in worldly things. If it WERE in worldly things. Money. Men. Husbands. Houses. Success. Well Britney spears would be the most enlightened woman around!! Princess Diana would have been happy all the time. Elvis would have been deliriously happy all the time.
Yet they were not.
You have to ask yourself why you still subscribe to this fiction. It is clearly untrue.
The answer to a good life lies in the quality of ones heart. Ie the amount of resentment one is carrying. And the skillfulness of ones world view. Not how much money is in the bank. Or how many husbands or men you are involved with.
"The spiritual life is not a theory
We have to LIVE it."
Resistance is futile!
You are still very much in the 'world'. A very dual view of reality. The answer is in the non dual view. If you pursue step 11 you might learn this eventually. Until then you will always see reality as 'us and them'. A constant battle.
Vinegar, whats your experience, Help please.
http://johnojohno.blogspot.com/2008/01/vinegar-whats-your-experience-help.html
thanks
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