Resentment & Communication Skills & 'knowing the whole story': Related!

The more effectively I communicate the less resentment I seem to harbour. I still get A LOT of resentments don't get me wrong, but I have realised recently that if I communicate my point or my concern AT THE time instead of allowing thoughts/feelings of being put down/wronged the less the resentment controls me. The less it festers.

This is taking practice, because it is difficult to work out whether it is best to say something or bite my tongue, but I am sort of beginning to get the 'feel' for it now. The way this has come about is through MISTAKES, or what I perceive to be mistakes at the moment anyhow. Mistakes in the form of upsetting people, mainly.

I might in six months time look back on those mistakes and not see them as mistakes at all. I often do that, automatically assume I am at fault.

Again, it's hard work because of course often I AM at fault.

There are no blanket rules to be applied that is why life is tricky I guess. The Rules are there are no rules, as my ex-sponsor used to say.

Also knowledge/information seems stop the resentment, the self centredness element of it at least. If I know half the story the belief that the offending comment/action can be very compelling.

Example, landlady asks lodger to move out and lodger takes it personally (it is an alcoholic lodger :-)). Lodger gets angry, resentful, feels picked on.

Lodger later finds out that the landlady wanted a new lodger to make it easier for her to increase the rent. This piece of information pierces the resentment and it is no longer as painful as it was when the 'whole picture' was not apparent.

If I really work on my self centredness I will probably be relieved of all this anger/hatred.

(note the lack of faith in my higher power-it is me doing it alone. Jees, when am I ever going to have a loving concept of a HP who I can hand this stuff over to!!