Speak up or Restraint of Tongue and Pen

So when do I speak up for myself and practice honesty and when do I practice restraint of tongue and pen? I can say that in the past my strategies have not been healthy ones. My habit is to either explode after having not said anything when I wanted to or to make a valid point but to do it in an attacking way. Or, of course, just to rant.

My problem at the moment is that I feel very uncomfortable around certain people, usually I can detect when they are putting me down or making subtle derogatory remarks. Often however I am wrong! It's in my head. Anyway, the point is that I feel uncomfortable around certain people, real or imagined.

This week it is woman in recovery who came into recovery about the same time as me. I just don't like her. I just don't. She puts me down, very subtly, but she does. Do I trust my perception or is it just in my head? It may be a bit of both, but I will never know. The problem is that I can not yet just accept that I do not click with her and focus on others whose company I enjoy more. I get so angry and feel compelled to tell her all the things that I think are wrong with her. I didn't on this occasion but I felt compelled to and she is still 'living in my head rent free.'

Anyway I guess the solution is not to hang around with her. But then what if I end up alone? An ex sponsor said "just do what makes you feel comfortable" my current one says I may well end up alone if I just stay away from anyone who slightly annoys me (sorry to say that a lot of people do annoy, most in fact).

Tricky.

I think the solution may well be to learn more effective communication skills so that I can respond to 'put downs' and snide comments on the spot in a mature and measured way. This requires an ability to work out what is paranoia and what is real, which I am still not very good at. Trying to see her sickness and cultivate compassion would be the killer blow, but I find it difficult to cultivate compassion for very arrogant types (like this woman). Those who have a lot of work to do but can't see it and judge others instead.