Time to Dance

I want to do so much but I get so tired these days (I am only 30-surely I should have more energy?). So much indecision dominates my thinking, I must be lacking in faith at the moment or something like that because I just get a pull to do one thing over another. I am still getting to know myself so I suppose that is partly the reason. Now that life is getting busier I am going to have to decide what my priorities are.

One of those at the moment is to meet new people and to dance. I like dancing. I genuinely enjoy myself and get 'lost in the moment' which rarely happens given that my thoughts are relentless and are still dominated by my 'inner critic' i.e I'm crap/everyone hates me/everyone is better than me /if only they just listen to me mindset.

I also like having an evening out with structure, which dance classes have. I hate going out for sparkling waters and just standing around with lots of noise. I always think that the person I am talking to is the least interesting person and I must speak to the other person in the corner, then the first person suddenly seems interesting when I am not talking to them.

Anyway, do I live for the moment and go out to my dance class even though I am exhausted. I didn't go today and regretted it. Taking one option teaches me something. I felt uncomfortable missing it so I will be much more certain next week about what I will prioritise: the dance class.

Everything for me over the past couple of weeks has been high drama/chaos and a big deal. No one likes me; colleagues hate me; change jobs/stay in job; move flat/leave flat (where will I go?!); hate housemates; course at weekend/no course at weekends/when am I going to fit my sponsees in to read step five amongst all this!!

Anyway, time to cultivate some gratitude:

I am sober
I am not smoking
I am alive
I am financially independent
I have a roof over my head
I have done a full day's work

Time to stop being a drama queen and hand it over to my Higher Power.

I still don't really have a loving concept of a higher power and I still don't really get this 'handing it over' in practice.

Don't drink go to meetings and hopefully I'll get it!