I am being bullied by one of my colleagues at work. Since I have been in the job I have been seen by my colleagues as a soft target. They know I am weak and vulnerable so they do what human beings love to do: put me down and bully me.
At the moment, a more senior colleaugue, desperate to promote himself, keeps taking swipes at me, saying things like (in front of my boss) what I am saying is not relevant, saying what I saying does not make sense, talking over me.
It's been like this since I have been in this role, it hasn't changed and I doubt it will now, they do it like shooting fish in a barrell. There are three of them and one of me, becuase I am not loud or confident and don't drink I get shat on regularly.
OH and, yes tried leaving, never get anywhere with that despite numerous attempts.
So, this is my lot that my loving higher power as given to me; bullied at work, unable to secure an alternative job, no partner. I am so grateful, wow, I am soooooo lucky. Lucky old me.
But hey I'm not drinking or taking drugs so wow what a GREAT life I have. Thanks God. Thanks for making me.
Glad to be alive. Life beyond my wildest dreams, sssssssh all that working with newcomers really paid off, I am soooooooo glad I did it. I'm REALLY being looked after. Rocketed in a fourth dimension that's me.
Gratitude:
I am grateful that
I am consistently bullied at work
I am put down and ignored at work
I keep trying to get a new job...but dont get one
that I am single
I was born
Because you know what, it's all for a reason, god works in mysterious ways so I am so grateful he has given soooooooo much. Wow, life is just utterly fantastic.
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About Me
- Determined1
- I stopped drinking on 7 May 2005 at the age of 28 by going to AA meetings, getting a sponsor and doing the steps and trying to do some daily suggestions. My first meeting was in London, Clapham on a Sunday. I have not had a drink or drug, prescribed or illicit, since.
13 comments:
bullying is not acceptable in the workplace, have you taken any action towards resolving this ? whatever job you are in, there will be bullies, or egomaniacs, ready to walk on anyone to get what hey want.
Its the we can run but we cant hide thing, bullies, drunks, skivers, ego maniacs, they all turn up again, but with different disguise.
How did the step 10 backlog clearing go yesterday lunch ?
Autobiography in Five Chapters
1) I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost . . . I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
2) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I’m in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
3) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I see it is there.
I still fall in . . . it's a habit
My eyes are open
I know where I am
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
4) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I walk around it.
5) I walk down another street.
Job or no job, wife or no wife, we simply do NOT stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people (places and things) ahead of dependence on God
Thanks for the comments. I am not sure I understand the autobiography. Step 10s still to do..
RE: bullying I have spoken several times to HR about I how I feel. They can do nothing without involving my boss or speaking directl
y to other members of my team. Complaints in my profession are viewed as career ruiners. I confronted one of them and things changed briefly, but the fact is they won't change so I resolved to leave, which hasn't happened.
I also raised it with my boss, but nothing has changed.
I give up on this one. I just don't have the answer and banging my head against brick wall is getting boring.
If you spent more (more like ANY) time doing step 10's you'd have the insight to 'walk down another street' instead of blaming your circumstances for your self pitying attitude.
ie
"I am lost . . . I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault"
Autobiography in Five Chapters is about taking personal responsibility for how you are dealing with life. Something you appear to be trying very hard to avoid.
http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/index.htm
Read. Study. Learn.
You get out what you put in. End of.
If ALL you have done to remedy this situation is speak to HR 'several' times, then you clearly are not that interested in solving this problem.
Why? Because Actions speak a hell of a lot louder than words.
Your actions tell us you are pretty indifferent to this problem and don't really want to solve it.
If you REALLY cared about this problem you would be doing a dam site more to solve it than 'several conversations with HR'.
What is the solution? Same as ever.
Two choices.
Either accept the things you cannot change.
OR
Change the things you can.
And no. There are no surrogate parents who are going to sort your life out for you, nor boyfriends that will 'rescue' you from yourself.
YOU have to do the work I'm afraid. Ask for help yes. But don't expect other people to do ALL your thinking for you. That's just plain lazy.
You have to work pretty hard to have a decent life. Being happy Is not for slouches.
Several conversations with HR and spoken to my boss at my appraisal and confronted one of my colleagues. You selected only a third of what I said. I have worked extremely HARD to qualify into one of the top professions so the allusion to laziness is inaccurate.
If I didn't work hard at life I would not be in AA, I wouldn't have sponsees, I would not do service at AA meetings, I would not have worked full time throughout my time in AA. I would be pissed if I was a lazy self pitying goodfornothing.
It's very EASY to give advice from an armchair, anyone can do it and very EASY to bully someone into thinking they are the problem. There is a 50/50 thing to all relationships that are not working.
I'll have a look at the web site.
Stop fighting! Its just an excuse to analyse and paralyse AGAIN
Your place in the high serenity top one billion is NOT as the result on simply how much AA service you do, or how many sponsees, newcomers you help.
Again, sobriety is not enough.
Practicing these principles in all our affairs.
POST sTEP 9, WE HAVE SOLVED THE ALCOHOL PROBLEM, we have been placed in a position of neutrality, so no resting on laurels, now whats next ?
This means CONTINUING finding out THE FACTS in each life area.
All life areas can be improved in someway, for everyone, even those that appear to have "perfection" prefection, like weird, freaky, beautiful is only in the eye of the beholder, and they just havent found out that there is another level yet.
There is ALWAYS improvement available, even if its an a small improvement.
In the words of S*****
No Steps, No change, no sober
In the words of D****
You cant THINK yourself in to right acting, you have to act yourself into Right thinking.
In the words of C******** and now echo'd LOUDLY by Johno
Step10s help you grow up, not blow up (or in your case implode)
WRITE. NOW.
Resentment is the number 1 offender, it destroys....
Oh yeh, that poem, crops up in a few books I have, its cool.
Its about moving away from the problem towards the solution and some stages we go through.
Abit like
Unconscious Incompetent
Conscious incompent
Unconsious competent
Conscious Competent
the process then naturally repeats as we are the naturally growing to the next level. The depth of pain and struggle to move up one, depends on our willing ness to surrender to the next step
You are no exception to this.
Resist and the pain will persist
You are no exception to this.
Surrender to win
You are no exception to this.
remember Step12 isnt JUST about helping the alcoholic in AA, cos practicing these principles in all you affairs, will show the still suffering, how you overcame your DIFFICULTIES in each life area.
Rome wasnt built in a day, and the only thing instant in AA is the coffee
Progress not perfection, Determind1
Yep. She wants it all YESTERDAY. Or perhaps not wants. DEMANDS more like.
Preferably without a great deal of effort.
Patience seems to have gone out of fashion, and replaced with a deluded sense of entitlement to all kinds of stuff. Where she got this idea about life from I DON'T know..
Reminds me of the TV clip about the malaise of the modern day sense of entitlement
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n44WCUKIK2Y
http://drsanity.blogspot.com/2004/12/sense-of-entitlement.html
A Sense of Entitlement
In psychiatry we use the term "sense of entitlement" to describe the outrageous attitude of some of our more narcissistic clients who believe that the world "owes" them and they want to collect NOW. Patients with this type of attitude always want more. Whatever you do is never good enough for them, and they also generally show no gratitute or express any thanks--even when someone goes out of their way for them. Like the most spoiled of royalty, they merely expect that they should be the center of your world at all times.
This attitude is normally seen in toddlers, who want what they want and they want it now. Every parent has had to deal with this kind of whining. When you see this attitude repeatedly in an adult, then you know you are dealing with psychopathology. Many adults whimper at the slightest inconvenience, delay, or restriction. Why? Because, like toddlers, they are convinced they deserve what they want when they want it. They are "entitled" to it.
http://www.sideroad.com/Personal_Development/sense-of-entitlement.html
LIFE'S NOT FAIR; GET USED TO IT
A seminar participant told me, "The only fair in life is a carnival." I believe it. Things don't always happen the way you planned. People don't always treat you the way you think you should be treated. Someone else may have more than you, though you believe you tried harder.
Don't go to pity parties or get bitter every time you don't get what you think you deserve. That's a recipe for misery. Stay out of the endless pursuit of "justice". Don't destroy yourself by an obsession with evening the score. Instead, determine to keep playing fairly with others and doing the right thing, no matter what others choose to do.
GET OUT OF THE VICTIM ROLE
"Chronic victims" are a pain to others and themselves. I'm not talking about people who have been legitimately victimized, yet they work hard to deal with it and move on. Chronic victims are chronic blamers and complainers.
When you hear yourself bemoaning your life, habitually blaming others for your troubles, it's time to do a "response-ability" check. In what ways do YOU have the ability to improve the situation by responding differently?
THE WORLD DOESN'T OWE YOU; YOU OWE THE WORLD
"The world owes me" is a false premise. We have so many life-giving, life-enhancing resources and opportunities at our disposal. These are gifts. They deserve our gratitude, not our indifference. What better way to show our gratitude than to give back? I believe that we are each called and personally equipped to make a difference in this world.
Rather than complaining, let's live the words of Mohandas Gandhi: "We must be the change we wish to see in the world."
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sense+of+entitlement
sense of entitlement
The idea that one has a right to be given something which others believe should be obtained through effort.
http://babble.com/CS/blogs/strollerderby/archive/2007/07/05/sense-of-entitlement-blame-mr-rogers.aspx
Enough now, you know what to do.
The choice is yours.
Misery is optional.
I will continue to pray for you.
Take care, use the tools, no resting on laurels.
You either want to change or not, and are willing to go to anylengths or not.
End of
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