I am so sick of it right now. My period of being single is just going on and on and on and it's over two years now, rather than just two years. I can't imagine it changing and on a practical level this is a concern: my colleagues are mostly married, the men I do meet during the course of work are married and no one has expressed any interest in me. I have singed up to internet dating again, nothing really came of it last summer when I did it. I guess it gives me some hope to be registered with a site but I don't really expect anything to come of it.
One of my last remaining single friends has just met someone and already she can't be arsed to return my calls having been very reliable before now.
I don't want to be single for the rest of my life. I want to have the joy of compansionship and closeness to someone anyone in AA who tries to tell me there is anything wrong with that they clearly are deluded. I am trying to keep busy, go to meetings regularly,joined a group but it's never enough. Guy from that group asked me on date, so there are some offers but he just made me feel so angry.
I've asked other single women my age how they feel and it's the same as me. I am not special and different. Feelings are:
I feel there is something wrong with me/why are so many people in couples and not me
I feel I will NEVER meet anyone
I feel that noone will want me
I am scared I will never have kids
If my life is meant to be spent as a single person for years and years on end I really dont see much point to it.
No matter how many suggestions I do or meditation I go to there is always a yearning for close contact with another human being. This is part of being human, of being a woman, of being me.
That is how I feel today. I feel lonely and I feel tired. and I feel sad and I feel that everything is f*cking pointless.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Blog Archive
-
▼
2007
(66)
-
▼
August
(19)
- Being Single
- Hurting my dad
- THe Concept of Self Sabotage
- Restless, Irritable discontect
- Family
- Knackered
- Missed Flight-lessons learned
- Missed Flight-lessons learned
- Having a day "relaxing"=No good for me at the mo.
- Thoughts on Sunday
- The tricks of my mind
- Coincidences
- Job Interviews
- Disillusionment on the Spiritual Path
- Monday Irritations
- Tech Problems-It's Nothing Persoanl!
- Blogshpere
- Friendship
- Negativity, Relationships and Change
-
▼
August
(19)
About Me
- Determined1
- I stopped drinking on 7 May 2005 at the age of 28 by going to AA meetings, getting a sponsor and doing the steps and trying to do some daily suggestions. My first meeting was in London, Clapham on a Sunday. I have not had a drink or drug, prescribed or illicit, since.
6 comments:
"Guy from that group asked me on date" Why didnt you take Guy up on aa date ?
"so there are some offers"
nothing really came of it last summer when I did it" Why didn't it ? no one interested ? or you werent interested, or lost interest?
"Some offers" why did you not take these up ?
I am interested. if you are as desperate as you sound for "the joy of companionship and closeness to someone anyone" what stopped taking these opportunities ?
What Are you making your potential meat decisions based on ?
Are you waiting for Cupids arrow ?
Are you looking for that white knight, prince charming, Brad Pitt, David beckham, Loads a Money, Rich man ?
Are you lokking for someone with Blonde hare, blue eyed, 6 foot sperm?
Are you looking for a baby ?
Are you looking for a money machine ?
Are you looking for some arm candy ?
Are you looking for The Waltons ?
What is it that you want ? what you really want ? Cos I am not too ? clear here
And when you get what you want, what are your plans so far ?
become a wife at home ?
become a mother ?
Work ?
Dont work ?
Work part time and bring up kids
What is it you want ?
I dunno, you dont have to tell me any of the answers. IF I HAD WRITTEN YOUR POST I would be writing my step10's around those questions.
if as a result of STep10's my answers are abit vague or I am struggling to be honest with myself or know the truth then I would be praying to God to show me what the truth is on each one.
2 years is a long time to not have clarity on this, I suggest if you have ran out of ideas, try the above until something else comes up.
Or do you already know what the problem is, and are just not wiling to accept it ?
I am glad you said it how it is today.
mostly when I have felt confused and disappointed its cos I havent accepted the truth or dont know what it is yet.
I hope you feel better tomorrow :)
an thanks for your comme ts this week. Much appreciated. I have no idea what stanford university is all aboyt though, pray tell.
I do take up all offers. I have not met one guy I fancy. The one from the group basically said he was only looking for someone to make him feel better after his recent break up.
and I am scared of getting hurt again.
My wants don't come into it. Another person has to want to be with me, which they don't.
Men don't seem interested in me. I don't know how so many people find partners so easily.
NO ONE IS INTERESTED IN ME. THERE IS NOT MUCH I CAN DO ABOUT THAT. I HAVE DO SPEEDATING INTERNET DATING TRYING TO INCREASE MY SOCIAL CIRCLE BUT NOTHING COMES OF ANYTHING.
So, I am obviously asking too much to want to be with someone who is kind and someone who i am attracted to. So I will have to do what other people do and just go out with someone i dont like. then maybe sociey will not think i am a freak and i will not feel like one.
i think this whole trust your higher is bullshit. my higher power is punishing. I keep trying and keep getting no where. its' bullshit.
Job or no job, wife or no wife, we simply do NOT stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people (places and things) ahead of dependence on God
EVERY time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with US
Bludgeoned into Humility by pain and unremitting suffering
"and I am scared of getting hurt again"
Allowing fear to drive you, will prevent you doing ANYTHING in the end.
"My wants don't come into it" Who says ?
If your wants dont come into it, what are you complaining for then ?
You either want or you dont. its ok to want, its a very good place to start getting honest.
How do these guys react when you honestly tell them what you want ?
What are you basing this "lack of interest men seems to have on you on ?"
"someone who is kind and someone who i am attracted to"
Do you know many people who has found the above and increased their social circle for the long term by speed/internet dating ?
Have you tried any other avenues ?
Who are your definition/role model of "someone who is kind" ? Where do these/this man hang out ?
"NO ONE IS INTERESTED IN ME" I dont agree, you appear to have stopped looking
have you been looking for short term/long term ?
"I don't know how so many people find partners so easily"
How long have these people been looking, how many people have they tried out with before finding current partner ? how long have these partners been together ? have they found the kind someone ? are you sure ?
"I keep trying and keep getting no where"
Insanity = trying the same things over and over and expecting different results.
I am trying VERY hard NOT to tell you what to do and NOT take your INVENTORY.
You are past Step9, you know what to do, you are just not doing it.
My Sponsor said to me when she took me on, her Sponsor had said that the steps would help her to grow up. This indicates that I need to change. My experience is that The steps has helped me to grow up and take responsibility for my recovery in ALL areas of my life. Practicing these principles in ALL my affairs.
Sobriety is not enough
Analysis Paralysis
mmm, I sometimes wonder whether about the motive behind your posts irish friend of bill, to be helpful or to bully/throw your weight around..just a thought.not something I have figured out yet. I do detect a bullying undertone that smacks of arrogance. Your last one I do not want on my blog so consider yourself deleted.
Post a Comment